Bad Steak

I woke up today feeling that I have somehow I’ve gone astray. In between the everyday grinding at work, my personal everyday drama and the responsibilities resting silently on my shoulders I have lost my way.

I have lost a lot of my attitude; somehow taking what people throw at me without retaliating came with aging. My identity also went MIA; a lot of people say that I have different versions of myself. i didn’t want to believe it but I think what they say is true, I guess when a few people notice the same thing then its probably true. A lot of my past passions have turn into things that I view lame or boring.

The saddest part is that I have lost and I am losing a couple of very good friends. One by my own choice and the other is just trying very hard to deny that I exist although I was a big part of her life previously. I guess the key word here is previously and if someone is trying their best to avoid me I guess I might as well give in and not force the matter. It’s not like I didn’t try rite? You might say that I didn’t try hard enough but how hard do I have to try to be your friend?? Or rather should I even try to be your friend? Why can’t I be the friend that I am and not the friend that you want me to be? I suit you fine back then, why am I so repulsive now? Is what you told me back then when the sun was raising true? Didn’t you mean it or was it just jealousy? Questions are all that’s left.

Well I guess I am like a bad steak. A turn off, overcooked, dry, and hard to swallow.

Those who know me will know that friends mean a lot to me. I have and will probably bend over backwards for you guys if you ask for it. Have I been a bad friend to you? Have I done things that I shouldn’t have? Did I cross the line?

I guess it doesn’t matter anymore. The damage has been done and there is nothing that I can do to reverse it. I feel like the more I do the more damage I do.
I feel helpless as I have to let you go against my will.

…”if you love someone set them free, if they come back to you then they are yours forever”…..

I await the day that we can talk till the sun raise without the emotions that threaten to rip us apart.