the rain

Its raining now…not the cow’s and buffalo kind but the kind that brings me back to certain places, reminding me of certain things, making me think and miss certain people, evoking certain emotions, both the pleasant and unpleasant variety. The feeling is all too familiar, the silence all too cold and the loneliness all too chilling.

I ask myself why do I always return to this place??
Am I addicted to the pain that I come back for more every time?
Do I suffer from some kind of complex brain disorder that I cant seems to think straight anymore?

All these question and a million more are floating in my head rite now.
I thought I had everything figured out and it will be smooth sailing from here on end but as always with my life…it never does.

Some questions I have will undoubtedly answer itself, some will remain a mystery till the day I die others will haunt me till the day I die.

I was once asked by a dear friend..”what is it like to die?”..i didn’t had an answer then nor do I have an answer now. But maybe its something like this…

Maybe its like the feeling you get when u know u’ve screwed up beyond repair..
Maybe it’s the feeling you get when u can see but cannot hold..
Maybe it’s the feeling of emptiness when someone is not there
Maybe its how im feeling now…


…”Yes, I know im not suppose to walk on this road but just let me take this journey alone… I know that im down and out..i recognize that…let me drown myself in it for a while…let me remember how painful it is to be on this road so I don’t take it again
Let me remember how cold it is here so I’ll always be on the sunny side
Let me drown in it so I’ll learn to save myself the next time it happens”..