Peaks and Valley's

its been a while i must admit and during this tim e alot has happen to me by my modest standard. for starters, me, once a barista, manage to land my feet in Japan. i was fortunate enough to be send to Japan for an equipment buy-off.

Japan was really an experience, everything there was so old yet new and new yet old if you get what i mean. from the buildings to the temples to the streets, everything seems to right. the culture there is really something to experience, from the multitude of temples to the busy streets to the laid back village. i'm trying not to sound like travel channel but its just so different. during my time there i was at peace with myself. away from all my worries and responsibilities. is was just blissful.



Japan aside, work has been taxing lately. it has not been as smooth as i would expect it to be. some times i just wanna find a small corner in this darn factory, hide and scream my lungs out. my shoulders are only tht broad. its been tough i think and its gonna get tougher i think. i hope that my shoulders will grow hand in hand with all the things tht's heading my way. i am really really begining to doubt myself these days. i'm constantly doubting my ability to get the job done, am i that good? am i that capable? what if i screw up? are just some of the questions that 's constantly on my mind.

things on the personal front has not been a bed of roses either. it was for a while but i think that was more of me living a lie. the pain from living a lie is still very real. i am very tired of living a lie, the worst/sad part of it is that i don t hink im strong enough to wake up.i think this time i bit off more than i can chew and im begining to feel the consequences of my action.
i know that this is nothing new but why do i always find myself in this sort of position?..am i that desperate that i lie to myself just to be happy?
the answer is YES. i truely think i am.

i'm so lost....if you see JEREMY somewhere please let him know that I'm looking for him....i need him.