i never learn.

I’m broken as I write this post. There’s a lot to be said and even much more to be done to correct all the mistakes that have brought me to this place right this moment. Somehow I have the feeling I’m trap in quicksand which is sucking all the life out of me as I struggle to free myself.

It felt like I was on the road to recovery and was only beginning to learn how to stand on my own two feet. little did I know what was install for me. It felt too good to be true really, the conversations, the smiles, the laughter, the tears.

I guess I just wanted to believe in miracles, to believe in the impossible, to believe that I deserve, to believe that I found what I am looking for.

Me. Always following my heart. I guess I am paying the price now.

It was not my intention to hide the truth from you. I didn’t mean to lie and betray the trust we built. You already mean too much to me than you really should, why would I intentionally hurt and deceive you.

As I run so that I can finally stand still, I want you to know that I will always carry you in my heart. For better or worst.

“i carry your heart with me,
i carry it in my heart,
i am never without it,
Anywhere i go you go, my dear,
And whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling
i fear no fate for you are my fate, my sweet
i want no world for beautiful you are my world, my true
And it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
And whatever a sun will always sing is you
Here is the deepest secret nobody knows
Here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
And the sky of the sky of a tree called life
Which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide
And this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart
i carry it in my heart”

ee cummings